A wave of despair sweeping over the body during my sullen slumber, my consciousness, after a fleeting escape from the tumultuously earthly life, came into its presence.

For nearly four years, I have tortured my body in pursuit of my dream set for the first decade after I almost grew sophisticated. It must be conceded that an unbelievable tiny achievement, exhilarating and exciting, has rewarded me for my laborious effort and diligence, which for my part, is a tremendous encouragement for the continuation of my grueling trek to accomplish the final goal of my life.

During this short distance from nothing to something I have made, who knows how isolated my heart and mind was from the outside world. Of course, this remark was uttered not to appeal to one’s sympathy, but to set forth a fact. It was just like digging a strenuous tunnel through an unimaginably insurmountable mountain. A specter of sepulchral doubt dormant in the deep recesses of my heart often erupted to scorch my mind, only leaving me in a disappointing uncertainty whether I was endowed by God with the capacity to dig through the mountain and when I could succeed in it.

This immense effort-consuming combat brought me nothing but toil, sweat, hesitation, diffidence and doldrums, all of which at times drove me in the brink of breakdown. All these sullen moods, alternating between each other, haunted my soul with relentless blows almost everyday. With the quest of my dream lasting, these suffering will continue. Unfortunately, who can be sent to get to know what I have undergone? From whom can I seek solace to soothe a surging heart? By these words, I mean not to plead any other to offer their compassionate hands to appease my soul, but to reaffirm my strong conviction that I ever am there, and with no one casting their sympathetic eye contact, I will still stand firm there for ever, for keep.

Of vast tracts of trees, the tallest one standing head and shoulder above the rest of them must suffer what others are unlikely to encounter, and what others can not stand. True, I have a loyal faith in this point, under the guidance of which, I am willing to expose myself to those crushing pains, and to resign myself to the overwhelming depression.

Finally, I want to point out: I am not pessimistic, though I said that light seems never to beckon to me from the bright future; I am not diffident, though I said that the doubt of realization of my dream is always constantly surrounding me; I am not depressed, though I said that melancholy is usually keeping my company on the entire way to my destination, on the contrary, I am aggressive, I am ambitious, and I am dauntless, for I absolutely believe that my gigantic effort will indeed be paid off one day in the future.

All troubles, unhappiness and sadness, come over, I will never surrender to all of you.

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